Grief Transformation: A Widow Lets Go of a Family Beach Tradition
For nine years, we had a family gathering with my husband’s family at the beach. The tradition started after the death of my father-in-law. My mother-in-law, Marie, was 83 years old and in good health. My husbands’ sisters, Patty and Carole were inspired with the idea, as a way of providing company for my mother-in-law and getting us all together once a year.
The first year, Patty and I took our five kids to the beach for the first week. Her husband, Bob, and my husband, Hurley, arrived for the second week. We created great memories that year. All night monopoly games, plaster of paris sand masks with shells and seaweed, a community jigsaw puzzle, peach picking at a local orchard, walks on the beach, a storm that left tidal pools for great explorations. My youngest daughter, Hannah learned to swim in the rental house pool that summer. We created a great foundation that first summer which grew over the years.
Each year we added more of the family, including Carole’s grown children and grandchildren. There were so many memories. Boardwalk carnivals, miniature golf, go-karts, kite flying, and lazy days under the beach umbrella with a good book. Basketball games, board games, tie dyed shirts and arts and crafts. Early morning beach walks and the late night hot tub conversations. Caper charts with cooking and dish duty. Then, there was the year I got kidney stones and had to go to the emergency room and the year our teenagers were rescued by the water police when they disappeared with the catamaran.
The year after my husband died we were invited to come to the beach. I thought that we could continue to go because when he was alive, my husband had his own business and didn’t always come for the whole time. Even when he was there, the variety of activities led us to different places.
The summer we went to the beach after he died, it was harder than I thought it would be. It just wasn’t the same. Knowing that there was no possibility of him walking through the door with his booming laugh changed everything. There was an emptiness in the house that couldn’t be filled by anyone else.
This was one of our family activities, one of the dreams, that died with him. For now, I had to let the summer beach trips go. It was too fresh a memory and too painful to be there.
As I look back at the nine years we had at the beach, I treasure the memories. I really got to know my husband’s family and all of our nieces and nephews. It brings a smile to my face thinking about it.
I hope that some day when my daughters are older, we can gather again at the beach and create more memories. For now we are opening to new dreams, new horizons and cherishing the time we had in the past.
I am grateful for the memories.
By: Andrea Hylen
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Filed under Self Improvement by on Nov 16th, 2010. 